Praise

“Deeply personal, honouring both the stories Cross has been entrusted with, as well as her own, And Sometimes They Kill You is honest, authentic, informative, and compassionate. Cross leaves us with a strategic and hopeful path forward. You’ll want to read every word.”

– Sue Bookchin, executive director, Be the Peace Institute

“And Sometimes They Kill You is an impeccably subversive roadmap for anyone interested in an end to gender-based violence. Cross orchestrates decades of professional and personal experience into a no-nonsense harmony of truth and knowledge-sharing.”

– Jennifer Good, MSW, psychotherapist, activist, survivor

“And Sometimes They Kill You is a powerful must-read for our times. With rates of intimate partner violence and femicide on the rise, there is no one better positioned to examine this issue than Pamela Cross. With the honesty and integrity that comes with decades of intentional collaborative grassroots experience and honouring of survivors’ stories, Cross offers a powerful truth-telling of the state of intimate partner violence and the systems that perpetuate it. Her thoughtful and innovative solutions provide readers with practical strategies to effect change. Most importantly, we are left with a message of hope to fuel our resolve to act for that change.”

– Carol Barkwell, feminist advocate; founding executive director, Luke’s Place

“With sharp analysis carved from years of being on the frontlines, Pamela Cross gives us a behind-the-scenes look at the reality of intimate partner violence and femicide in Canada. Focusing on root causes and pathways to justice, Cross gives readers the necessary tools to create a world where women are free from men’s violence. A better world is possible and this book gives us the blueprint.”

– Julie S. Lalonde, author of Resilience is Futile

“In this important and timely book, Pamela Cross weaves together the stories of survivors of intimate partner violence with her decades-long experience as an advocate to lay bare the multiple ways that law and other social institutions have failed to keep women and children safe. Cross offers insights into the root causes of intimate partner violence, the myths and stereotypes that impede our understanding, and the challenges survivors encounter in the legal system. Her reflections on her own learning and unlearning over time reinforce her message that if we bring humility, an openness to the perspectives of others, and energy for collaborative work, collectively we have the capacity to create spaces of safety for women and children and to eradicate intimate partner violence. Cross argues that we each have a role to play. And Sometimes They Kill You is exactly the resource we need to prepare for that role.”

– Janet Mosher, professor, Osgoode Hall Law School, York University

“And Sometimes They Kill You is an exceptional publication that will inspire both the community at large and justice professionals to redouble their efforts in preventing intimate partner violence. Pamela Cross’s many years of experience in the field, training and testifying about this violence, inform her powerful writing. She makes us painfully aware that there are practical solutions to preventing domestic homicides that we ignore at our peril, with more lives lost and more communities in mourning.”

– Peter Jaffe, professor emeritus, Faculty of Education, Western University; director emeritus, Centre for Research and Education on Violence Against Women and Children

“Pamela Cross has worked for many years ‘in the trenches’ with women who have suffered violence in their family, in workplaces, and in public spaces. This book is testimony to her impact, dedication, and deep knowledge. Cross weaves in agonising stories of personal tragedy to illustrate just how short the legal system falls for women seeking protection from violence, as she calls for the recognition of intimate partner violence as an epidemic.”

– Julie Macfarlane, author of Going Public: A Survivor’s Journey from Grief to Action; co-founder, Can’t Buy My Silence campaign

“Cross’s is a well-lived life full of passion and compassion to ease the pain of others. And Sometimes They Kill You deals with soul-destroying issues, but it is written simply and is accessible to diverse readers.”

– Alia Hogben, past executive director, Canadian Council of Muslim Women; Order of Canada

“If you are interested in a book that provides insight into the cycle of violence, the courage of women, and the advocacy efforts toward systemic change, then this is a read for you! And Sometimes They Kill You is a thought-provoking, insightful, and inspiring book, which honours the journey of a true feminist advocate.”

– Erin Lee, executive director, Lanark County Interval House and Community Support

“And Sometimes They Kill You is a powerful, important work on intimate partner violence. Pamela Cross’s decades of experience as a lawyer on the front lines and a leader in the field enrich her exposé of systemic legal failures in the response to assaulted women and their children. In clear, accessible prose, Cross provides a searing indictment of gaps in the law and the challenges confronting us in the eradication of this deep problem of gender inequality. Yet she offers us hope for finding a way forward. This book is a thoughtful, nuanced, and essential contribution to the conversation about how to end gender-based violence.”

– Melanie Randall, professor, Faculty of Law, Western University

“Pamela Cross combines her knowledge as a skilled advocate with painful and inspiring stories from a career spent listening to, learning from, and helping survivors, in order to demonstrate our progress but also our failure to adequately address a continuing epidemic of intimate partner violence. More than that, Cross uses that personal experience to make a strong, persuasive case for transformative change in the way our systems of justice respond.”

– George Thomson, former judge and former deputy minister of justice

“With tremendous heart, humility, and fearlessness, Pamela Cross gifts us with wisdom from her years of experience on the frontlines of the movement to end gender-based violence and compels us, collectively, forward. She calls us in with hope and optimism amidst the rippling devastation and reminds us of what’s possible when we centre survivors in the work and see gender-based violence—and femicide—as the public health and social crisis that it is. An important, truth-telling read.”

– Sarah Boesveld, journalist and advocate

“With wisdom, compassion, and hope, Pamela Cross weaves seamlessly between the individual cases that have marked her career and the systemic issues and challenges that these cases evince. Despite the weight of all that she has seen over a career spent working on the sharp edge of one of our society’s most pernicious evils, Cross manages not only to continue to do the work, but, with this book, to urge the movement to end gender-based violence forward in the hope and belief that a better world is possible.”

– Kirsten Mercer, feminist lawyer and advocate; lead counsel to EVA Renfrew at the 2022 CKW Inquest

“Don’t shy away from this book—it is a must read for people of all genders who strive for justice and non-violence, written with hope and humility by one of the most trusted and credible voices in the country, Pamela Cross. And Sometimes They Kill You is the truth we all need to know, delivered with the insights and ideas to move us out of despair and into action.”

– Shannon Moroney, author of Through the Glass and Out of the Shadows; trauma therapist and survivor advocate